Cellular massage and occult study

Presenteeism: Being at work but not doing any actual work. This is my current state. There just isn't much to do here, it's a really boring situation to be in.

Current inspirations and influences: Quareia, meditation, warm foot baths, oil painting (especially my latest, Picatrix), astrology, Animism, water fasting, Saint Cyprian, Goslar, Tarot, Jeremy Demester's colour palette.

Painting by Jeremy Demester.

I looked over the Quareia material last night and have decided to start a dedicated study of it. 

Quareia is a program of occult study that has been made available free online by Josephine McCarthy and Frater Acher. When I first heard about it I couldn't imagine it could be any good. How can anything free be of good quality, or not expecting some form of remuneration further down the road? But after some time going over everything, I see it actually is. Amazing. 

I'm at the 22nd hour of my 50 hour water fast. Almost half way there. I'm not hungry, just missing the ritual of eating and the pleasure it brings. Weight this morning was at 126.8 lbs. Again, I'm doing this to boost my immune system and induce autophagy – a deep cellular massage, if you will. Secondary benefits of reducing visceral fat and cellulite would be much appreciated, but are not really the motivating factors. 

Two people have died in Germany from the coronavirus so far. Not so many, really, given that more than 1,200 have been diagnosed.

I made the mistake of looking at my retirement fund this morning. It's gone down an enormous percentage. I'm probably going to need to cash in the little account I have with Vanguard before long, I was going to do it this morning, but looks like I'm too late. I'm going to wait for it to come up again, once the corona panic has passed. I still have a considerable amount of reserve funds, and monthly unemployment insurance will provide enough to get by on. I will be fine.

Disease and dinner dates

I'm having trouble looking away from the covid-19 train wreck that is spreading across the world. 

I refresh Twitter repeatedly to see how many cases have popped up in Germany, in the US, in Italy. There are 58 in Berlin as I type. I gape in awe and horror and I know there is nothing I can do about it. 

Germany has just cancelled all large public events from now until the 19th of April, so I'm guessing I won't being going to see Underworld on March 21. 

I would love to hide out in my studio for the next months and simply side-step the insanity completely, but work demands (as long as I still must work at this job) are what they are. The distance to the office is too far to bike, so I take the S-Bahn. I wash my hands with vigour. 

I have two dinner dates with friends scheduled — one on Friday and one on Tuesday (St. Patrick's Day), and am visiting K in the West tomorrow night. I will go to all of these things and hope for the best.

People around me snicker and laugh about how silly it is to be afraid, that it will all blow over and come to nothing. 

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I'm at 32 hours of fasting now, my app tells me, with just 22 more hours to go. 

I'm surprised with myself, and how easy it has been to do these water fasts. I'm going to try to do another one this weekend, from Saturday to Tuesday when I meet with A for dinner. 

I wish I could do one long fast and have done with it, but having a social life disallows this. The longest I've gone was 6 days, and had to cut it short for a work dinner.

Today on my walk home from the train I saw a tree in full bloom, an explosion of tiny white flowers in the darkness. I could hardly believe my eyes and stood looking at it for a moment. Amazing. Spring has arrived.