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A sad night's sleep
Aug. 1st, 2008 09:28 pmYesterday I thought it would be kinda fun to put a notebook under my pillow when I went to bed so I could write down my dreams during the night. It's something I used to do but haven't done for a long time. So over the course of the night, whenever I would wake up from a dream I would jot down the main points and then go back to sleep. By the time morning came I had collected three dreams, and could see that there was a pretty striking theme running through all of them.
The theme seems to be one of loss. Fear of losing others, longing for lost joys of the past, and loneliness. In my waking life I rarely hear from my family, but I'm not the most communicative person, either. I miss them and the days when we were all together; no effort was needed to "stay in touch" because we were under the same roof.
The dream about O is pretty clear; his distance and the giant bed that he gets up and leaves is almost a literal reflection of our reality. The dream was just underscoring the pain that I don't allow myself to deal with/acknowledge during waking hours.
I called my grandma today to see how she was doing but she didn't answer the phone. Then I called my parents' cell phone and it turned out that they were right there with my grandmother and were re-arranging her furniture. My grandmother was in one of her overwhelmed/confused/unresponsive states though, so I didn't get to talk to her. My mother thought it would be best if I called back tomorrow when she will hopefully be more aware. I miss them all so much.
The theme seems to be one of loss. Fear of losing others, longing for lost joys of the past, and loneliness. In my waking life I rarely hear from my family, but I'm not the most communicative person, either. I miss them and the days when we were all together; no effort was needed to "stay in touch" because we were under the same roof.
The dream about O is pretty clear; his distance and the giant bed that he gets up and leaves is almost a literal reflection of our reality. The dream was just underscoring the pain that I don't allow myself to deal with/acknowledge during waking hours.
I called my grandma today to see how she was doing but she didn't answer the phone. Then I called my parents' cell phone and it turned out that they were right there with my grandmother and were re-arranging her furniture. My grandmother was in one of her overwhelmed/confused/unresponsive states though, so I didn't get to talk to her. My mother thought it would be best if I called back tomorrow when she will hopefully be more aware. I miss them all so much.
