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I had dinner with my friend C this evening. She's been my German language tandem partner for over two years now, and we've become good friends over that time.

When I'm with her my German comes easily and we talk about everything under the sun. She still doesn't understand me very well when I speak English, but if I speak v e r y . s l o w l y . a n d . c l e a r l y she sometimes does. I always do spend some time speaking English with her because I know it helps her to learn, but for everything I say in English I typically need to then explain it in German.

We end up speaking German most of the time which I prefer anyway because that way I can talk at a normal pace and crack jokes and just generally be understood on a deeper level.

Not that my German is perfect. When people want to they can still talk way over my head. People do that in the office when they want to disempower me and it sucks. It's also hard when I'm in a group of people and they're talking fast amongst themselves. My brain gets mixed up and I can't follow, and that's when I get quiet and start feeling like the Ausländerin that I am.

I hate that feeling, being lonely and shut out in the midst of others. It's the worst.

Get used to the bear behind you

24 pieces of advice from Werner Herzog:

1. Always take the initiative.
2. There is nothing wrong with spending a night in jail if it means getting the shot you need.
3. Send out all your dogs and one might return with prey.
4. Never wallow in your troubles; despair must be kept private and brief.
5. Learn to live with your mistakes.
6. Expand your knowledge and understanding of music and literature, old and modern.
7. That roll of unexposed celluloid you have in your hand might be the last in existence, so do something impressive with it.
8. There is never an excuse not to finish a film.
9. Carry bolt cutters everywhere.
10. Thwart institutional cowardice.
11. Ask for forgiveness, not permission.
12. Take your fate into your own hands.
13. Learn to read the inner essence of a landscape.
14. Ignite the fire within and explore unknown territory.
15. Walk straight ahead, never detour.
16. Manoeuvre and mislead, but always deliver.
17. Don’t be fearful of rejection.
18. Develop your own voice.
19. Day one is the point of no return.
20. A badge of honor is to fail a film theory class.
21. Chance is the lifeblood of cinema.
22. Guerrilla tactics are best.
23. Take revenge if need be.
24. Get used to the bear behind you.

Now

I spent the day designing a book to showcase my paintings and collages. I'm going to self-publish via Blurb, and then use the book as a leave-behind at galleries.

I've waited around long enough for other people to lead me into the art world. It hasn't happened. My collector disappeared and the artists I know are unreliable.

I'm going to print a stack of these books and then go door to door to all the galleries in Berlin until one of them takes me on. Doing this will go against every rule in the gallery etiquette book, but what have I got to lose? This is exactly what I did in October and even though the gallery owner was initally pissed at me he did eventually admit he liked my work and offered me a slot in his autumn group show. I turned it down because the collector guy emplored me not to do it and said that I should be aiming much higher than some wall space in a crappy gallery's group show. So I'm going to aim higher.

Speaking of art, I did some more work on the painting, mainly building on the will-o-the-wisp and the man's face/head. Slowly but surely: