Paint

[alcippe]

I got the check for "Three" today.

It'll help cover expenses for the next set of paintings: a new box of vinyl gloves, brushes, paint, tarps and cotton balls. I need some new tubes of oil color, too.

The latest paintings have become very tactile and exploratory, experimenting with drying times and different types of oil based paints. It's been messy, but that's what the tarps are for.

My apartment has become schizophrenic. About two days out of the week it's a normal, cozy living space, and the other days it becomes a painting studio. I move the furniture into the larger, darker room so I can throw tarps down in the smaller, sunnier room. That way I can lay canvases flat and layer them up with thick surfaces without having to worry about the upholstery getting messed up or the coffee table becoming spotted. Not that my furniture is all that great, but I don't need it acquiring any more character than it already has.

I get big economy bags of cheap bristle and foam brushes at the Home Depot near my apartment and stash them under my work bench. I go through them like some people go through cups of coffee or rolls of toilet paper. And the vinyl medical gloves have become my favorite new tool. I put them on and I can push paint around with my hands. When I need to switch to another color I tear off the old pair of gloves and put on a new one. The cotton balls are for rubbing down and smudging out, and when dipped in thinner they can remove entire areas of paint.

I get upset when things come up and life intrudes. I have a day job that robs me of the vast majority of time that could be spent painting, but then so do all the other things. Talking on the phone. Doing laundry. Getting the groceries. Being social. I feel like I have all these hooks caught in my skin, pulling me away from what I wish I was doing. It's painful to be so driven, motivated and inspired, and not be able to do much about it.

These things go in cycles and there's always the fear that all the good ideas will evaporate. I am inspired now, but may not be in a month. Use it or lose it.

I'm using it as much as I can and still feel like I'm losing it.